


home

by hiddenclawsof



Series: #hyunlixcloud [12]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: 00 line friendship are emphasized, Childhood Friends, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Happy Ending, Kim Seungmin is a Good Friend, Leaving Home, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Playgrounds, Scents & Smells, mentions of food, minor seungsung
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 16:00:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28691337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hiddenclawsof/pseuds/hiddenclawsof
Summary: something about moving away and letting go makes it feel bashful, hurtful, prideful and sorrowful; that thinking about one’s scent, lingering over your thoughts, one’s smile, one’s eyes and the way they shine, makes you miss everything there is to miss though one has not yet gone away. only if one stepped alittle bitcloser, would the pain go away?
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Kim Seungmin, Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Felix
Series: #hyunlixcloud [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1942687
Comments: 2
Kudos: 41





	home

**Author's Note:**

> this is highly inspired by svt's home, christina perri's jar of hearts and new empire's a little braver.
> 
> the style i used here is kind of different from the usual, as i was experimenting a little bit but nonetheless, i hope you all enjoy!

when they were six years old, life was simple. the vivid hues of the primary colors filled the playground, the rusty metals were fully covered by dried paint and the squeaking sound it made as two rubbed on each other like a joint. the smell of home never felt so easy to smell unlike then, because the smell was everywhere, so when the young hyunjin asked for felix to take his hand and finally run off to their garage, the clasping of their hands felt natural. like it was meant to be, like  _ they  _ were meant to be.

it was not about the superhero figurines that made them bond, it was not about the non-graphic video games that made them create a pact, it’s their bodies, their fingers, their smile and their eyes. one did not need to speak as the other could easily understand. that whenever their eyes look at each other, whether it may be for a cup of orange juice to be passed from the other side of the table or an additional serving of cookies that their mothers baked, they would easily understand.

bestfriends, that’s what they  _ were _ .

when they were nine years old, they were placed in different classrooms and were forced to spend their times laughing and talking to other people than each other. felix was able to meet his other close friend jisung who is funnier than hyunjin, and hyunjin was able to meet his other close friend seungmin who acts clever than felix. no comparison needed, just someone to be with, just someone to spend the remains of their times with.

so when the two bestfriends passed by each other, their other friends, seungmin and jisung naturally became close as well. like they were creating a mini group, two of them are relatively new while hyunjin and felix just watched them closely as they attack each other.

the laughter jisung brought to the group was always missed. like it complimented everyone and that all the things that one lacks seems to be fulfilled by the others. it was like a puzzle and each of them are the puzzle piece. hyunjin and felix could never ask for more.

because bestfriends, that’s what they were.

when they were eleven years old, felix, being the happy-go-lucky that he is, was ultimately eyed by a lot of people, trying their utmost attempt to get felix join their circle. so when hyunjin saw that, he was raging, seungmin trying to calm him by telling him that,  _ “no, trust felix,” _ only for seungmin to never be wrong. seungmin was really,  _ really  _ that clever.

hyunjin on the other hand was good at everything despite looking so timid. he spent most of his time watching felix with discreet eyes, having seungmin hit his head for being overprotective and then proceeding to jisung’s side just to play tricks on him. hyunjin was great in math, he excels in science and he always gets opportunities to play good positions in sports. he was, overall, the boy-next-door of the young audience.

felix didn’t have it in him to do what hyunjin could. he wasn’t timid, but he wasn’t the best. he did everything he could to be like hyunjin, to do the things that seungmin does and jisung doesn’t, to at least become someone independent from the rest, but the young boy that he is, fragile, weak and overworn, decided to simply watch everyone and be like a sponge taking everything in.

but he’s hyunjin’s bestfriend, he can never feel inferior to him.

when they were thirteen years old, felix was convinced by jisung to get into a club, dancing to be exact. maybe it was because jisung looked at him pitifully as he was sitting on the bleachers, straining his throat to cheer for hyunjin, or it was because seungmin finally decided to shrug him off as he tried to hang with him in the library that felix could never,  _ ever _ , take the silence in him to digest. no one really knows.

but jisung was determined, he even dragged felix to sign up for the club and watch him do some kind of embarrassment as he danced pretty much the trend of yo-yo and dougie. in the end, he passed. he’s no longer the bestfriend of hyunjin who shouts every syllable of his name at the farthest corner of the gymnasium, he’s now the dancer bestfriend of hyunjin who was able to stifle laughter from the audience as he danced memes.

felix was able to make a lot of friends. some of them are females and some are males. it didn’t really matter to him, because friends are friends. seungmin and jisung always have a special place in his heart and sometimes the two would visit him as he watched himself do a certain move in front of the mirror only for the two of his friends to banter and pull each other’s hair. this time, felix finally realized, there was something between seungmin and jisung that they didn’t want to put names to. maybe because it wasn’t very much needed, but he could notice it, he  _ could  _ see it, and it made him wonder, what if he couldn’t see what other people could see between him and hyunjin? what would he feel then?

but he didn’t try to dwell on those thoughts anymore because hyunjin was his bestfriend and that he would always be.

when they were fifteen years old, hyunjin knocked on his home, his mother frantically calling for his name like his whole life depended on it and made him bolt up from his bed and wear whatever he could find form his wardrobe before running down on the stairs to meet the now-tall hyunjin with his very wide smile on.

life was simple then. the smell of the home was practically everywhere. but when felix show up right in front of hyunjin, it was not the home that he smelled. it was somebody else’s. “what are you doing here at this hour?” the pre-pubescence felix asked the smiling hyunjin. the glow from hyunjin’s face was so evident that felix thought he could already go blind. somewhere in the back of his mind he was reaching for seungmin’s wise words and jisung’s dumb ones. because sometimes, it was not his bestfriend that he needed, not when his bestfriend was the reason as to why he needed his other friends’ advices.

“you know that girl i told you before?” felix didn’t want to feel hurt. but for the first time in their years of being friends, felix had it in him to throw a disgusted face on hyunjin and bit his lips to prevent himself from saying anything. hyunjin’s face still looked excited, even when felix’s mother asked him to come in. but felix wanted to pull hyunjin out of his home.

the home that smelt peace. the home that smelt so much like hyunjin that hyunjin himself doesn’t smell like anymore. he need not to be there, he need not to be in a place where felix doesn’t feel like he belonged anymore. so instead of letting him in, he bluntly asked hyunjin to get out. with a straight face and a stern voice.

and for the first time, felix had it in him to curse a word to his bestfriend. his  _ one  _ and  _ only  _ bestfriend.

_ damn you, hyunjin. _

when they were fifteen years old, still fifteen, but a week after, felix couldn’t really take it in him anymore to ignore hyunjin’s calls to his cell phone, together with jisung annoying him day in and out. seungmin, who’s known as the wisest, even laughed at felix’s foolishness and seemed to know something that felix doesn’t know himself.

what would you do if you don’t know the person you thought you’ve known so well? that you don’t know the person that you spent everything with ever since you realized the world will never be as nice as before? what would you do if you don’t know yourself anymore? what would you do if you’re felix with jisung on the end of his bed, seungmin as his pillow, running his hand on felix’s hair, singing softly to soothe his aching heart? what would you do if the person you needed the most wasn’t there? that hyunjin was with someone other than him?

what would  _ you  _ do?

“it was probably just some crush or something,” jisung tried to reason out, his head on felix’s legs and his eyes staring directly at the ceiling, “they’ll cut each other ties someday, i’m pretty sure.” his voice wasn’t any hopeful, not even a trace of delight. he was just stating whatever it is that felix wanted to hear, or maybe what they all wanted to hear. because at the same time that felix felt like hyunjin drifted away, the other two didn’t feel as complete as well.

but they’re young. they were supposed to feel free.

“do you ever listen to yourself, you squirrel?” seungmin spoke, clear boredom in his voice while his hand still combed the rest of felix’s strands that rested on his lap. his singing already stopped, the noise of the cars running through the road of their village already reached felix’s ears and felix didn’t know how he should stop himself from hearing things.

“what are you trying to say you pup—”

“when you had a crush did you ever think of going to your crush’s house and tell your crush’s parents, ‘i think your child is awesome, i want to court your child’ and then go back to your bestfriend’s house smelling nothing but another person’s perfume? do you jisung?”

jisung let out a groan. probably it was because he couldn’t understand what seungmin was trying to say. but felix closed his eyes, afraid to take a peep on seungmin’s lower profile as seungmin became the voice of his reason.

no, he still doesn’t know why it hurt him that hard when hyunjin came to his house looking and smelling like that. and no, he doesn’t really know it either why seungmin was trying to make a point with their dumbest friend, jisung, who seems to not say anything right to save someone’s life.

but they were fifteen then, a week far from felix shutting hyunjin down, a week far from hyunjin creating a turmoil inside his head. a week far from felix feeling the need to suffer because hyunjin is his bestfriend and that should always be. so whatever it is that his bestfriend desired and proceeded with his life, it should go on, it should move forward. because as fancy the title meant for him, he was just an ornament, a little  _ unpretty  _ at that.

“you’re my bestfriend seungmin and your scent is on me, i don’t know what you’re getting at.” and that might just be the first time in the history of their friendship that jisung was the one to put words into felix’s feelings and not seungmin nor hyunjin.

of course they are all bestfriends, the four of them are always bestfriends, but one among the other would remain as the closest bestfriend and they all knew that. it was already established, like a will, a promo, that hyunjin is for felix and seungmin is for jisung. but what if the closer you get to someone, the closer you feel yourself from falling?

they were pretty young then, years away from being an adult and experiencing college as it is. but it’s not about being young or being old, because feelings are raw, they’re not manufactured nor replicated, they’re there, growing and stimulating.

and felix was fifteen when he realized that hyunjin wasn’t his bestfriend. because if he is your friend and he is the best, then why would you get hurt when your bestfriend is happy with somebody else?

they were still fifteen, but almost two months left before they turned sixteen and about four months now since hyunjin stopped talking to them and finally decided to sit on their side in the cafeteria, probably with heads turning around to look at the sudden view and turn this even into a gossip. felix felt his breath hitch, seungmin was looking straight at felix with utmost concern and jisung was doing his best to not look like he’s confused.

hyunjin wasn’t anything like they last remembered him. sure, he exchanged messages with seungmin and jisung here and there, and though he tried to have felix talk to him, the latter wouldn’t respond. but he wasn’t the same hyunjin that he was before. he lost some weight, his eyes are drooping, and even his eyebags are growing intense.

felix didn’t want to cause up something, he didn’t want to be the felix that always wanted hyunjin to be by at his side and tell him to never go away. he didn’t want to be so hung up with the thought of hyunjin and him overcoming everything the life would throw at them—that instead of the squeaking joints of the swings and seesaws, it was their own squeaks, filtered and drowned inside their own chests and guts. but hyunjin was there, beside him, looking like the world didn’t like him enough and decided to take a  _ shit  _ on him, and touching his hand seems the only coherent thing for felix to do.

because maybe hyunjin cannot be his bestfriend, but he can still be his bestfriend,  _ right,  _ seungmin?

seugmin bit his lips and shook his head subtly, but felix chose to not see it as he reached for hyunjin’s hand and faced him with his slight smile, “what happened to you?” with a voice that sounds like home and feels like home.

and jisung let out a shriek. one that shook not just their table but also the nearing tables. his head turning to seungmin, his hand on his mouth, his eyes wide like platters, and he didn’t need to say anything anymore as seungmin understood what he meant. seungmin sighed and tapped hyunjin’s arm like he was telling him to just go with felix and leave the two of them.

which hyunjin did.

felix wanted to pull his hand away from hyunjin as hyunjin ran to the dance room. one that he was sure that no one was around, but the mirrors are there, reflecting not just the urgency of the two boys for this ordeal but also the emotions on their faces. on the corner they sat, a meter away from each other, hands still interlocked, but gazes are on the reflection in front of them.

they looked so much like the younger versions of themselves, but so different.

because now they were not bestfriends anymore.

they were just two people, holding each other’s hands, looking at each other, waiting for the other to step a little bit closer and be a little bit braver.

“it will never work out without you, lix.”

when they were sixteen, hyunjin decided to audition for the same dance group that felix was in. being the supportive friends seungmin and jisung are, they went to the audition as well. not as spectators, but as auditionees. of course, the other two didn’t take it seriously, but hyunjin did. so with only two years left for their high school life to end, hyunjin decided to spend his remaining years closer to felix.

jisung bidded the rest with a smile, one of the victorious to be exact. his eyes already tracked hyunjin and felix on the side talking to the senior of the club before dashing to seungmin and dragging him to the other two who looked gentle with their gazes at each other, proud to have one another,  _ again _ .

seungmin kept his mouth shut, forcing the smile in and letting jisung drag him. but now that they’re back, complete, all he could ever do is to use his talent and ask for a photograph. they took not just one, two or three, they took a lot. different poses, different styles. it wasn’t that hard to decipher after all, because on every photo that they have, hyunjin was finally looking like he was ready to take a risk and step.

but felix  _ wasn’t _ .

when they were seventeen, hyunjin had improved a lot. he was already commended for his skills, he dropped out of the other sports and just remained still with felix guiding him each step of the way. it was calm, their growth. it was like everything fit in perfectly once again, jisung’s loud mouth was enough to push them to their limits, seungmin was still inside the library ready to kick jisung the moment his mouth opened, hyunjin didn’t care about all the other people that wanted to get in his pants and felix, felix was looking like he had it figured out.

maybe he did, maybe he did not.

but seungmin knew better.

so before seungmin could lose hyunjin into the crowd during one of their dismissals, he already got it in him to pull him hard and make him stumble. of course, he was greeted with a grunt by the taller, but when seungmin looked at him straight in the eyes, narrowing and quirking his eyebrows, hyunjin had to be scolded for sure.

“did felix say anything to you?” seungmin wasn’t rushing, but when hyunjin heard that from seungmin, he felt his heart race, like he was suddenly awake despite being awake for more than sixteen hours, “felix isn’t himself lately.”

and that made perfect sense for hyunjin.

he didn’t even notice that felix isn’t being himself. he was so focused on being beside felix that he didn’t see felix moving away. he wasn’t the best person to ask that question, seungmin knew that, and  _ heck _ , hyunjin knew that as well, but seungmin was so clever, was so wise, that this was just something that he has to do just for hyunjin to act on it.

“he’s been like that for long, no?”

seungmin nodded.

jisung wasn’t as dumb as his friends ought him to be. he was just trying to lighten up the mood and be the sunshine if felix was too tired to become one. he can become the source of the laughter, be the clown, he can do all of those things only if he doesn’t have to see his friends look like someone has ceased.

and felix was looking just like that.

an instinct in him told him to follow felix and barge into his home and that instinct was just right as he watched felix drop his body down to the bed without taking his backpack and let out a non-sensible cry.

jisung walked towards felix and touched his head, “this is the first time i heard you cry,” jisung said which made felix sob into his pillow even more.

when nothing was going right, is it okay for him to go left? to go and leave?

“ji, tell me,” felix mouthed, voice deep and face planted on the pillow still, leaving jisung to decode what felix was trying to say, “did seungmin hurt you this much? that the mere fact that he’s doing nothing still hurts you?”

jisung couldn’t help but feel a smile grow on his face. it took a while for felix to accept it. never did he need to put a name on it, but accepting it was already enough to drive him insane. felix was still crying, his head almost banging against the pack of cotton, but jisung made his presence more known by sitting down on felix’s bed and pulling felix into his stomach.

“seungmin never hurt me, lix. i did. so when the time was right, i just went to his house and run to his arms. he never questioned me, he kept me in there, and that was  _ home _ .”

when they were eighteen, the four of them were already gearing up to graduate and finally run off to different countries or places to get their bachelor’s degree. felix and hyunjin were saying their final goodbyes to everyone in the dance club, and seungmin and jisung were on their own clubs doing just the same. they’ve always been together since they were six, they did everything together from then up to now, and there is nothing wrong about thinking that they’ll do just the same further, right?

but felix had to stay inside the room, despite the rings of his phone, calling him to go down the hall and take a photo with his family, even hyunjin’s, jisung’s and seungmin’s family. he really had to stay inside the room and wait for hyunjin to notice that he’s not moving anytime soon. and when hyunjin peeked over his shoulder and caught a sight of felix with his tensed body against the wall, only the glimmer of the bulb inside the room showed his perfection, hyunjin was the first one to know that there was something wrong.

and not seungmin.

and that was not something to brag about.

because as soon as hyunjin marched over to his foot and took his hand, felix mumbled words that he never thought he’d hear from felix.

“i’ll go to australia, hyunjin.”  _ felix was leaving him. _ and he wasn’t even able to notice that from before? what was he doing? his mind wasn’t even giving him the time to adjust as it keeps on bombarding questions after questions— _ you’re his bestfriend! _

__

“you’re doing what?”

“i’ll go to australia for my college. i’ll take veterinary medicine.”

they stared at each other, like that would help the two of them to act out their unspoken feelings. the hand that was about to reach felix’s direction was frozen and no matter how loud the footsteps from the hallway to the staircase were ringing inside the room, only the two of them mattered.

felix looked perfect, especially with his black gown and black graduation cap on his head. he would also look a bit more perfect when he finally wears down a white coat, his name embroidered on the left chest, probably a pen hanging on the pocket and a stethoscope on his neck. he would definitely look more closer to the perfection that was said to be unachievable, and what kind of bestfriend hyunjin was if he’ll stop felix?

so hyunjin took everything in him, even the last chips he ate, the coke that threatened to spill gases from his mouth and the coffee he ingested that was probably the last ounce of his energy left when he said, “i’m happy for you, felix.”

_ he wasn’t happy. _ at all.

felix looked down at the slowly lowering hand of hyunjin, his hand about to touch hyunjin’s until hyunjin’s name was called outside of the room and hyunjin turned his back to felix, ushered to go outside.

if he was a little braver, then maybe he could’ve told hyunjin to come with him and study with him in australia. if he was a little braver, maybe he could’ve sought the answers with hyunjin and not focus on the things that are wrong. if only he was a little braver, he wouldn’t have decided to lower down his hand and watch hyunjin move away from him.

they didn’t think it would be the last, no one thought of it being the last. but when hyunjin’s body faded into the air, felix might’ve thought that it would be the last. nothing was right to begin with. the fact that he caught feelings for his friend, the fact that he chose to leave instead of sorting things out with hyunjin was the clear indication of that. he didn’t decide to leave because it was painful or it was too much, it can also be because he actually has a dream, a dream where hyunjin was in but was forced to be completely washed out. he left because he cannot even bring himself to raise his foot and step a bit closer to hyunjin, thus he chose to step farther.

when they were twenty, seungmin and jisung were back with bothering hyunjin during the summer break. they are to go out and spend the rest of the day strolling around the plaza, drinking caramel frappes and watching the kids run around with cotton candies in their hands, some with ice cream, laughing and jumping under the heat of the sun. all three of them are studying in one of the most prestigious schools in seoul, although they have different majors, they take time for each other and hang out even with the simplest things of watching marvel movies.

but this time, the boyfriends, yes they are already boyfriends, convinced him that it is better to get out of his room and see the sun as it goes down and do something about his dying urge to just read everything there in his biology books.

jisung forced a churros to his hand while seungmin readied his camera to get a photograph of the two. while jisung was posing for a peace sign, hyunjin was just side-eyeing jisung, a smile playing on his lips, almost remembering how jisung and seungmin did their best to cheer him up when felix finally turned around and walked to the insides of the airport.

he was beyond grateful for the two, he really was. he appreciated all the efforts to make him feel less lonely, to make him feel like felix never really left him sulking on the side. that it was okay for him to not have a choice then, to be a coward then. he really loves the two, genuinely, that even if jisung did spill a chocolate syrup on his brand-new polo and seungmin’s horror greeted him, he’d let it slide.

“well, your fault for wearing a brand-new white shirt,” jisung scoffed, looking so proud of himself, doing nothing to pry off the stain he just did on hyunjin.

it was more almost two years now since felix decided to drop everything and never contact them again. an occasional greeting would be sent during their birthdays and holidays, but that’s pretty much how their friendship lull down. it was okay, hyunjin accepted that. he knew better than anyone how it actually goes with college, what more if it’s medicine? so he’s not really mad.

seungmin stifled a laugh and hit jisung’s head before pulling a wet tissue from his pocket and giving it to hyunjin. whilst jisung was bickering with seungmin, hyunjin rubbed the dirt of his shirt.

sometimes, his mind drifts off to felix and what they have right now, just in case they still have something. he remembers the way felix does these little things for him such as removing the stain on his clothes, pulling wet tissues for his dirtied mouth, hitting jisung for his antics, and even holding his hand when there’s nothing to hold on to. like a little reminder that there’s still hope in things, that you need not to be with your family or in your house to feel like you’re home. that all he needed were those little fingers, dancing on his palm, to make him feel that it’s all going to be better.

sometimes he misses that exact feeling. the feeling of the seesaws, the feeling of the slides and swings. he also misses the sound of the rusty metals and roaring pipes, the cheers of their mothers when they finally go home after a long day of play in the park. sometimes, he misses when they were young. when everything was simple. no words are needed to be put into the abstract feeling of nostalgia, loneliness, fear and love. that even the sight of their hair makes everything feel better.

sometimes, he misses felix—all of felix. because whether he admitted it to jisung and seungmin or not, his heart was broken not just into million pieces but a lot more when felix decided to walk away, a luggage on his hand and his passport and ticket on the other, never deciding to look back.

if felix ever did look back, huynjin might have had the courage to run and tell him to stop. to never leave his side. to be there with him as they follow their dreams and be the person they swore they are going to be when they were kids. to be there even when they’re at their bests or at their lowests. if felix ever did look back, then hyunjin might have told him right there and then that he wasn’t happy with him leaving. that he wasn’t happy with how it was ending.

but felix didn’t look back.

and hyunjin expected that.

because they were bestfriends after all.

hyunjin felt seungmin nudged his side, forcing him to look upward and follow to where jisung was. it was insignificant to watch jisung outrun the children and scare them off with his high-pitched screams, but there jisung was, enjoying everything there is to enjoy in life.

“do you expect me to run and do what jisung was doing?” hyunjin turned to face seungmin who was holding his camera up and about to take a shot of jisung, “i expected a lot from you hyunjin, but why do you care so much about others' expectations?” and with seungmin’s reply, hyunjin let out a frown.

the wet tissue on his hand was stuffed inside the pocket of his jeans and seungmin chuckled a bit with the silence he replied. but seungmin always knew better, always did and always will. it doesn’t make sense anymore as to how jisung and seungmin were able to talk their feelings out because jisung was impulsive and seungmin was calculative.

“i expected you to stop felix right there, hyunjin. so now that you admitted to caring about other’s expectations so much—”

“i didn’t say that,” hyunjin retorted as he stomped his foot to the ground, clearly irritated with the way seungmin was telling him the things that he badly needed to hear.

“your silence did. so why didn’t you stop felix?” this time seungmin let his camera hang on his neck, his boyfriend long lost in the view, and turned around to see hyunjin eye to eye. hyunjin looked like the young version of himself, lost and aching to have something that will excite him. he looked like the person that ran to seungmin’s house when felix almost slammed the door on him that day and almost cried because felix looked like he wasn’t happy.

seungmin always knew better. a little bit better than hyunjin and felix themselves, and because he knew so much, here goes jisung who was acting like a dumb obviously came up with a very dumb plan.

“i was focused on felix’s feelings—”

“what do you know about his feelings, hyunjin?”

hyunjin couldn’t say anything. not even a word can roll out of his tongue and respond to seungmin with the same manner he held himself up with. he knew he should’ve been like seungmin, someone who’s confident enough to face what’s coming as if he wasn’t feeling a bit anxious about it. he knew he should’ve learned that from seungmin.

but he  _ was  _ a coward, one who’s afraid of stepping out of the line that signifies his relationship with felix, one who’d just prefer to watch felix with his contorted face, eyes darting at jisung’s nape as jisung smiles widely dragging both of themselves to where hyunjin and seungmin was— _ wait what? _

__

jisung stopped around three feet away from where seungmin and hyunjin were. his hand clasped felix’s tightly and his feet trembled to detach himself from felix, only if felix had let him.

“when you were six years old, you meant the world to each other and now that you’re twenty, i am pretty sure you two still feel the same. so, go on,  _ take little steps closer, as you are braver now. _ ” they always thought that seungmin knew so many things that they didn’t know, but now, they both realized that it’s not because he knew most of the things that they didn’t, but because he chose to look at those that hyunjin and felix are afraid of looking at and jisung was simply just the one acting on that.

it didn’t need to make sense as to why seungmin at jisung are together anymore. it really takes a calculative and an impulsive to work together and give hyunjin and felix what they have been waiting for so long.

so jisung could only say two words, and everyone and everything that surrounds felix and hyunjin seem to vanish, “welcome home.”

their eyes reached the places that none of their hands ever did. they were staring at each other like they are waiting for their souls to come out and do something that their body couldn’t. a rare kind of excitement was forming up inside hyunjin’s throat, and felix’s eyes that wavered reflected the same excitement. they only needed three steps to close their gap, three steps to finally touch, only three steps—just three  _ more  _ steps.

_ first step. _ hyunjin couldn’t believe his eyes. felix was standing there, a little bit taller than before but with the same stature that he held. he looked weary, probably due to the demands of his college, but it’s okay, because felix looked a lot more relaxed, a lot more happier. felix, too, couldn’t believe his eyes. hyunjin was staring down at his eyes, his left foot forward and his hand about to reach his hand. hyunjin was looking more peaceful than before, like he had nothing to worry about and the smile he let out just ended every doubt.

_ second step.  _ there are so many times that they’ve seen each other turn their back from one another. there are so many times that they’ve tried to hold on to each other’s hands and plead for one to stop and just stay. everything around them slowed down, the heat from the sun wasn’t doing them justice but maybe the heat and warmth they’re feeling is not from the sun. felix smiled, so wide that he feels like his cheeks are going to fall off. his eyes turned into little crescent moons, with the twinkling little stars reflecting the sunlight of the falling star.

_ third step.  _ it was now hyunjin’s turn to smile, his head looked at his foot that flattened on the ground. both of his toes are on the same edge, waiting for felix’s little ones. he was shaking, almost furiously, his hand still raised up waiting for felix to hold out his own. and when felix eventually did, his body probably collapsed, happiness never leaving his body.

“why are you crying?” felix’s low, soothing voice reached out his ears. he didn’t want to believe it. he didn’t want to believe that felix was actually there, holding his hand, and now is about to catch his body to his own, “hyunjin, hey.”

it was such a short moment. three steps was all it took felix and hyunjin to finally spell out what they’ve always wanted to say to each other without actually saying the word. because when hyunjin relaxed his body against felix, felix, whose eyes are now fixed on the smiling seungmin and jisung, realized that it doesn’t matter if it took lesser or a lot more years, because hyunjin was always the reason for him to step closer and be a little braver, for he is his  _ home. _

__

“i miss you so much, you idiot.” hyunjin wanted to let out a shrill, a shriek if necessary, just to voice out his indwelling feelings that he kept in for so long, but this time, there wouldn’t be a need to.

“yeah, i know.  _ your _ idiot misses you too.”

when they were twenty-two, felix had yet to graduate in a year but the other three already did. so now that they are capable beings to send themselves to a plane and go to where felix was, who’s probably starving himself just to study for his coming exams, they boarded the plane with their luggages, earphones in their ears and the undying excitement that hyunjin bottles in were all that they have.

seungmin and jisung didn’t really need a reason to come, they only needed hyunjin buying a ticket and them finding out that hyunjin would go on a vacation without them for the two of them to book a ticket in that instant.

maybe hyunjin and felix are a duo already, a package, a promo, and seungmin and jisung are just as the same duo, package and a promo that hyunjin and felix are, but the four of them together are always the best of bunch.

and even with the messy hair, worn shirt and deep set eyebags were what greeted hyunjin, seungmin and jisung when felix opened the door to his apartment, it would always be the best. because now, all that they ever know is to step forward, closer and closer to each other, lunging into each other’s arm, planting a kiss on their lips and earning them a growl from the other two.

“you could’ve done that on the bed?” jisung said, welcoming himself inside felix’s apartment, pulling his and seungmin’s luggage, leaving hyunjin and felix still kissing at the front door with seungmin following jisung closely behind.

“you taste like coke, felix.” hyunjin mouthed in the kiss. he pushed himself away from felix and looked at him with fake disgust, “but it’s okay. i love you even if you live like shit.”

felix giggled and pushed himself again to hyunjin’s face, scowling, “you make my life less shit.”

it’s okay to pause for a while and take a rest, looking after yourself. it’s okay to leave and return whenever you feel like it. it’s okay to not be ready at times because not everything has to go your way. so whenever you feel like you cannot step forward, all you have to do is to step backward, breathe, before stepping forward again with a more courageous you because if felix did tell hyunjin then, if felix did turn around, would hyunjin even have the guts to throw his shoes at jisung who shouted at the two of them for being cheesy and whispered, “will you marry me in advance? i’ll have the ring to follow so act surprised by then.”

and because he’s now brave, all he ever needed to say was, “okay.”

_ welcome home, felix. _

**Author's Note:**

> there would always be a set of people or a person that would always feel like home, and that is what the 00 liner are to each other. :)
> 
> _and i teared up while editing this one idk why._
> 
> twt: @hiddenclawsof


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